We're All Damaged

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Blogging is Easy, and Sexy

People sometimes say to me, “Matt Norman, you have thick, wavy hair and the body of a Fight Club-era Brad Pitt; you should totally write a blog!” My response is always the same: “Listen, Natalie Portman, you can’t keep showing up at my house like this. You heard the judge.”

But, it turns out crazy little Natalie actually has a pretty good point. You see, there’s this machine called The Internet where people can go online and look at pornography and write about whatever they want. They don’t have to be qualified or take a test or anything. I tell you what, that got me thinking pretty hard.

Let’s analyze me for a moment, shall we? On one hand, I’m delightful to be around, I have impeccable personal hygiene and I possess a rare, hyper-masculine sexuality that is simply undeniable. However, on the other hand, I have little discernable talent, average-at-best intelligence and sometimes I cry for days at a time for no reason at all. Do the math people: I could be an Internet sensation!

Therefore, from this day forward, consider this my official blog. My advice: visit often, because you never know when I might blog a new blog.

Did you see what I did there? I playfully used blog as both a verb and a noun in the very same sentence. That, my friends, is the kind of craziness you can expect a lot of here at The Norman Nation.

I’m not trying to change the world here. My goals are modest. I want simply to educate. And to enlighten. And to arouse. And to devastate. And to make the lives of my millions of readers around the world more sexy. Or is it sexier? I’m not really sure. Hey, maybe I could blog about that. “Yo, grammar, what’s the deal? Why do you have to make everything so complicated?” My God, the ideas won’t stop!

OK then.

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