Today is a big day for The Norman Nation. Last week, our headquarters here in an undisclosed location near the Cayman Islands received $125 million in bail out money from the federal government.
After throwing a lavish party featuring a live, in-office performance from Latin heartthrob Enrique Iglesias, I divvied out multi-million dollar bonuses to my executive team. This was a controversial decision to say the least, considering we had to lay off 2,300 employees last year and our stock price is currently trading at 11 cents. But I assure you, with their wonderfully tailored suits and vast knowledge of synergy, best practices and thinking outside the box, they’re worth every penny of your tax dollars.
Once the party was paid for, the bonuses delivered and my beach house in the Hamptons successfully re-shingled, I invested a large sum of money into a strategic partnership with Google. So now, as of today, those who Google “The Norman Nation” will find us right at the very top of the page. This is also the case for people searching for such commonly Googled phrases as—
- “I’ll save you donkey”
- “You can’t bear hug a shark”
- “Nuzzling an empty bucket of spicy chicken from KFC”
- “This isn’t about bikinis, Natalie Portman"
If you haven’t become a follower of The Norman Nation yet, you can fill the Matt Norman-shaped hole in your heart now by clicking Follow at the right of the page. And remember; now it’s easier than ever to experience the awesome. Just Google “The Norman Nation” today!