We're All Damaged

Monday, May 11, 2009

Now You Can Take Polls About the Awesome!

There are a lot of ways to describe Matt Norman, and I’ve heard almost all of them:
  • Slightly-above-average intelligence

  • Skilled at the art of physical combat

  • Taller than most people

  • From one of those big states somewhere in the middle

  • Looks a little bit like Bob Saget

  • Hardly ever cries in public

But my favorite, of course, is fantastic journalist. Because, above all else, that’s what we really are here at The Norman Nation: journalists. And, as journalists, we pride ourselves on constantly keeping one finger—sometimes more—on the pulse of society. Therefore, I’m pleased, on behalf of our award-winning* Research Department, to announce the launch of an all-new feature here at the site: polls!

Do you love virtually sharing your opinion with people you don’t know and will probably never meet? Have you ever had an opinion on something and wondered if other random people share that same opinion? Are you desperately bored at your soul-crushing job and looking for any opportunity to do anything that doesn’t involve your mind-numbing list of tasks and personal duties? Well, once again, The Norman Nation has come to the rescue.

The beauty of polls is that they benefit me and you—but, more importantly, me. You see, several times a week, I write blogs and then post them blindly on this site with no idea whether or not anyone other than me is actually reading them. However, when you vote on a poll, that vote is counted, letting me know that you’ve at least been to the site. As that number steadily increases, so, too, will my will to live, my over-blown sense of importance and the length of time I admire myself in the mirror each day.

Basically, what I’m saying is: don’t be afraid to vote more than once. In fact, if you could vote every time you visit The Norman Nation, that’d be sweet. And, if you have suggestions for a poll topic, send your idea to thenormannation@gmail.com. Because—well, frankly—I could use all the help I can get.

Happy voting!

*not really


  1. You should have a fifth option. When you write a blog then the site gets visited.

  2. Hmmm . . . Anonymous person, you raise a good point. Perhaps I should blog more blogs on my blog. That does sound like work though. Sounds like a job for my fictional assistant.

  3. That is the biggest -- and most undeserved, I might add -- compliment I have ever seen paid to Bob Saget.

  4. Can I be your fictional assistant, Matt? Pleeeease? I'm damn tired of freelance work. BTW, in no way do you remind me of Bob Saget. And, yes, I'm kissing up a bit to get the assistant position ;) ~Aileen