This afternoon, I was wandering around Barnes & Noble by myself, which is something I do a lot now. When you don’t have a job, filling the hours can be daunting, and so surrounding yourself with books allows you to convince yourself that you’re doing something at least mildly constructive, even if you spend most of that time looking at pictures of actors from shows you don’t watch drinking lattes in US Weekly.
Celebrities really are just like US!
After a half hour or so, I happened to find myself up by the information desk. There was a middle-aged woman stationed there. She looked like the sort of person who’d work at the information desk at a bookstore, with glasses and such. I noticed another woman approaching, a customer, and she was flanked by two bored-looking children wearing Crocs.
“Hi,” she said. “I’m looking for one thousand white women.”
This immediately struck me as an odd thing for someone to say to someone else so casually, and so I quickly replayed it in my head. When everything came back clean, I turned around and said, “Well, come on. Who isn’t? Am I right ladies?”
Like a lot of people who mask insecurity and crippling neurosis with humor, I smiled and waited for the inevitable burst of laughter. However, what I got instead were two of the blankest stares in the history of human civilization.
“One thousand white women,” I said. But, this didn’t seem to clear things up at all. In fact, their stares, if possible, grew blanker. The two children, a boy and a girl, were staring at me now, too. My face grew hot, and I considered the logistics of inventing my own personal laugh-track. It would be the size of an iPod and I’d keep it in my pocket for situations like this.
“Well, OK then,” I said, finally, and walked away.
Thirty seconds later, as I hid behind a Twilight display, the help desk lady whispered, “We really do get all kinds in here.” Apparently, One Thousand White Women is the name of a book. Who knew? Sounds like quite a read though.
Ooooooooooo look! Jennifer Love Hewitt is surfing!