We're All Damaged

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Reflections from the Beach

I’m supposed to be back in London right now. That was the plan. But apocalyptic thunderstorms somewhere in the Mid Atlantic Region yesterday prevented that, and so today I did what any patriotic American would do. I went to the beach.

In my awkward, often sexless young adulthood, I found that the beach was usually more hardship than it was worth. I’d sit smoldering on my sandy chair and hate myself for not having the balls to talk to any of the dozen girls in bikinis lounging in all directions. Now though, because I’m both married and in my early-to-mid 30s, I’m finally able to relax and enjoy myself for a change.

When you’re not consumed by self loathing and glistening navel rings, the beach is actually a pretty entertaining place. They serve nachos there, as well as freezing sodas the size of fuel-efficient Japanese sports sedans. As I slurped away, trying half-heartedly to read an article about the economy (apparently things aren’t going well) I found myself mesmerized by two things that I’ve never really paid much attention to at beaches until now: children and dogs.

There was a little girl in a pink bikini; she was no more than two years old. She had one of those pot bellies that only toddlers can get away with, which her parents had caked with sun block thick enough to grout a shower. She watched patiently as her sunburned father inflated a dinosaur beach raft. This took about 15 minutes. When he was finally done, the girl clapped and then immediately lost her raft in the wind. She watched in horror as the grinning dinosaur went skittering down the beach toward the surf. The look on the winded dad’s face was hilarious, like ironic resignation, and then he leapt from his towel and ran through the flaming sand.

To me, this scene seemed like a perfect microcosm of what it must be like to be the father of a daughter. Next though, to my left, I witnessed the other, grosser side of that scenario. Also potbellied, a little boy wore baggy swim trunks that appeared to be filled with a load of something. For optimism’s sake, we’ll assume it was sand. He was throwing a stick into the water over and over again for a soaking dog that looked like something in the cocker spaniel family. On the twentieth or so retrieval, the boy decided to mix things up. Smiling, he put the slobber-and-ocean-gunk-covered stick in his mouth and took off running down the beach. Confused, the dog made a brief whimpering noise, and then trotted away in the other direction.

“Oh my God,” said a man, bemused and also sunburned. “Tyler, that’s disgusting.” From the tone of his voice, it was clear that this wasn’t the nastiest thing he’d seen Tyler put in his mouth. And then he, like a hundred billion fathers before him, stood up, brushed himself off, and chased after his squealing child.

Ahhhh . . . the beach.

So long, America. I'll see you again soon.


  1. ahahahaha!! priceless!! thanks for sharing.

  2. Undeniably imagine that which you stated. Your favourite reason
    appeared to be on the web the simplest thing to have
    in mind of. I say to you, I certainly get annoyed even as other people consider issues that they just do not realize about.
    You controlled to hit the nail upon the top and outlined out the
    whole thing with no need side-effects , other folks can take a signal.
    Will likely be back to get more. Thanks

    Have a look at my blog post; affordable-dental-plan.org

  3. Spot on with this write-up, I really feel this website needs a great deal more attention.

    I'll probably be back again to see more, thanks for the information!

    Have a look at my blog post ... Www.omcweb.org

  4. 2 Technicolor or Black & Yellow Pages or Rainbow Pages or Golden Pages
    in the last decade - including the offer in the growth of the Surat yellow pages.
    In the cutthroat competition in the city but also past
    clients. Naturally, the response increased by
    twenty five percent every year in turnover, but by providing
    an email to stocktonheadlines@gmail.

    My website; Yellow Pages United

  5. I don't know if it's just me or if everybody else experiencing issues with your blog.
    It looks like some of the written text in your content are running
    off the screen. Can someone else please provide feedback and let me know if this is happening to them as well?
    This could be a problem with my browser because I've had this happen previously.
    Thank you

    Here is my weblog; action against medical accidents

  6. The feature of mobile in their handsets that are successful in game!
    Entertainment is very crucial and thus, it may sound complicated, but
    be cautious when he's running on a mobile device farmville 2 country escape
    cheats earlier. If you are able to get familiar with the Shaun of the pigs to make little groups of the delivery by the iOS and Android devices.

    My web page ... Farmville 2 country escape hack yahoo

  7. Everything is very open with a very clear explanation of the issues.
    It was truly informative. Your site is useful. Thank you for sharing!

    Also visit my webpage viagra online

  8. The best part off using the generic formula is the drug performs best, i.
    Generic Viagra is an oral drug used to treat male impotence
    allso referred to as erectile dysfunction (ED). Issues such as these could be easily addressed if the
    photographer haas legal doccuments to present or haas formed a legally binding contract with
    the client, in this case, tthe soccer league. - Click heree for a full list of
    qualifying prescriptions, sortesd by condition. Printedr ink refills firms have
    pproduced it clear that, if necessary, they'll modify tthe formula and continue to market the generic ink as a replacement for
    Vivera inks. As clientele start to know that generic cartridges are just like brand, this option will
    simplly have even more famous.

    My page; Darian Braun Mikki More