87 years ago, when my great grandfather, Mathias Von Sexyface Norman III, founded The Norman Nation in a little corner shop in Valentine, NE, he had one goal: to give hard-working, God-fearing Americans a safe, clean place to waste their valuable time.
Today, as CEO, Senior Accountant and Head Custodian, I work upwards of two to three hours a week to keep Pop-Pop Norman’s tradition alive and well. That’s why I’m happy to announce an all new initiative that promises to make the site even more outstanding.
Until today, all of the devastating wit and life-changing insight featured on this world-famous blog have been created exclusively by me and my imaginary team of assistants, spokes models, stylists and manicurists. Going forward, however, I will begin occasionally guiding my readers to third-party vendors of both Awesome and Funny.
In business, it’s called outsourcing. In real life, it’s known as profound laziness.
Several weeks ago, my friend and long-time The Norman Nation reader Ryan Effgen alerted me to the existence of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.
You may remember Jack Handey from his many appearances on Saturday Night Live in the 80s and 90s. This brilliant site has collected thousands of his “Deep Thoughts” and placed them in one giant, time-sucking site that is guaranteed to make you even less productive at your soul-crushing job. Just hit “refresh,” and the thoughts keep on coming.
And, if you know of any Web sites, videos or images available online that you think followers of The Norman Nation might enjoy, please send them to firstname.lastname@example.org today. If your suggestion appears on The Norman Nation, a generous gift will be made in your name to The Human Fund, which does not exist.