We're All Damaged

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Real Leaders Follow

People are always saying to me, "Matt Norman, your blog, The Norman Nation, is truly special. Your words touch me in ways that I have previously only been able to touch myself." And my response is always the same, "Seriously, Natalie Portman, get out of my yard."

But, it turns out that goofy little Oscar nominee has a point. You see, for months and months now, you and I, blog reader, have laughed together, used swear words together to comic effect, and, of course, ripped on French people together. In that time, I am willing to bet that I, if even in the smallest, most completely appropriate way, have touched you.

If my assumptions are correct, then I would like to invite you to become a follower of The Norman Nation. Becoming a follower is simple, just click "Follow" in the right-hand corner and follow the instructions. If you are already a follower, feel free to make up a different, more attractive identity and than have that person become a follower, too.

I know what you are thinking. "What is in it for me," right? I anticipated that question, you cynical bastard, and so I have asked a few of my 77 followers from around the world to share their stories. I then disregarded their stories and made up my own, much better versions.

"I used to be a raging alcoholic who alienated every decent person in my life. After becoming a follower of The Norman Nation, I am still drunk and alone, but, because the gutter in my neighborhood has wifi, when I am lying their in a bloozy stuper of crushing depression, I am able to laugh and laugh."
--Bob (Boise, ID)

"Before discovering The Norman Nation, I was a mere city planner with, I will admit, kind of funny-looking ears. And now I am the President of the freaking United States! Seriously. I have my own plane and everything!"
--Anonymous (Washington, DC)

"Once I was a lonely teenged girl who liked books and doing math problems. Since discovering Matt Norman and his blog, I have given up all those silly words and numbers, gotten my tougue pierced and started wearing tube tops. Thanks, The Norman Nation, I could not be happier! I am not at all empty inside!"
--Tiffani (Las Vegas, NV)

There you have it. I mean, would these people that I just made up lie to you? I think not. Become a follower today!

And oh yeah, Happy Birthday, America!

A note from the writer: Sorry for the oddly formal tone here. I am writing on a computer in Croatia, and the keyboard has no apostrophe sign, thus making contractions impossible. What a silly country, right?


  1. You're in Croatia? I am SOOOOOOO jealous of you. I don't pity you at all when you whine about being in "silly countries." Grrr.

  2. dammit, I do not have the accounts to become a formal follower but if it helps any i do return several times a day... well, actually I just refresh my screen every few seconds because I hate to miss out. Your blog is adored tho and although not a formal number, you have one extra over here, Mr Norman.


  3. You calling my country "silly"? Don't make me remove myself as a follower from your "silly" blog?!