Now that I have a job and a baby and a new lease on sobriety, keeping up with my world-famous blog, The Norman Nation, has been difficult. That's why I've decided to introduce microblogs.
Don't worry, they'll still be sexy and 110% Matt Norman, they'll just contain fewer words. You see, I'm not really a math person, but the equation is, according to my assistant Candi, very easy to follow: Matt Norman + Fewer Words = Less Effort. Who can argue with that?
So here goes . . .
The other night after work, I was entertaining my daughter with a series of hilarious farty noises. What was a normal, completely harmless family moment was suddenly turned upside down when my wife entered the room holding a plate of reheated lasagna.
"Can you stick your finger inside this and tell me if it's warm enough?" she said.
It was the opportunity of a lifetime. A better man would have gone with the obvious "That's what she said." A suaver, more European-sounding man, perhaps, may have chosen, "Well, thanks, I'd love to." But I am not better. Nor am I suave. And so, of course, I just giggled for an hour and 45 minutes.
Adulthood. Good times.