We're All Damaged

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

140 Characters of Pure Awesome

My team of nameless, easily interchangeable assistants recently conducted a survey of random, largely imaginary people outside of a bar last night, and the results were staggering.

Apparently the American people are torn between wanting a lot more of Matt Norman and a lot less of Matt Norman.

“He’s undeniably sexy and has masculinity to spare,” said one Baltimore Ravens cheerleader. “I just wish there was a way to experience him in smaller, less-rambling doses.” Another survey participant who preferred to remain nameless, a young woman currently starring in the film Black Swan, agreed. “Sometimes when I’m looking at photos of him for hours on end, I find myself wishing I could get little verbal snapshots of what was going on in his head, like maybe 140 character’s worth.”

And that’s when I had an awesome idea. My dim-witted, mostly illiterate assistants are always going on and on about something called “Twitter.” Apparently it’s a site on the Internet where super-busy and influential people like me can demonstrate flashes of wisdom and profound intelligence without having to worry about writing actual sentences or using punctuation.

So, after yelling at them mercilessly for the better part of the morning and making two of them cry, I ordered my assistants to build The Norman Nation on Twitter. It’s currently “live,” as they say, and I’d like to invite you all to follow me. I’m told that if you search for @TheNormanNation, my page will somehow appear on your computer screen like magic.

At the risk of sounding too “hard sell,” I recommend checking it out right this very second. I just “tweeted” a “tweet” on my Twitter page about what I had for lunch, and it is insightful, interesting and not at all unnecessary.


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