We're All Damaged

Saturday, March 19, 2011

That Baby is So Wasted

For some time now, I’ve been telling the same joke over and over again, and it always, regardless of the situation, gets a pretty good laugh.  Here, let me to set it up for you. 

I’m sitting with someone—or perhaps a group of people—in a public place.  I see a toddler stumbling around, walking in that weird, zig-zaggy way that toddlers walk. The poor kid is usually drooling on him or herself and babbling incoherently. And so I say, “Oh my God, look, that baby is so wasted.”

And then everyone laughs, and for a moment I’m able to bury all of my overwhelming social anxieties and feel good about myself.   

Sadly though, thanks to this video that my friend Nicole sent me today, my old safety of a joke has been trumped forever. 

If you’ve spent any time with toddlers—or even if you’ve just seen one or two of them on your way to doing whatever it is people without children get to do on weekends—it’ll ring true immediately. That’s because you know that toddlers are basically adorable, drunken little morons who’ve been turned loose in your house to knock things over, unleash completely irrational fits of raw emotion, and eat things that they find lying on the floor.

Feel free to play it loud and pass it along to anyone.  I think it’s the only video I’ve ever sent in which no one is swearing and/or doing something offensive. 



1 comment:

  1. That is great Matt!
    Appreciated the comment about toddlers eating off the floor too. One of my guys found a fruit loop in the garage last week and proceeded to eat it, serious dirt and all!!