Have you ever thought to yourself: “You know, I enjoy reading The Norman Nation, but what I’d really like to do is see the writer of The Norman Nation, Matthew Norman, sitting quietly at a table by himself wearing a sport coat.”?
Well if you have, then I’m happy to tell you that your weirdly specific fantasy is about to come true. That’s because I’ll be appearing this coming Wednesday, May 25, at Table 26 at Book Expo America (BEA) in New York City at 10 a.m. Technically I’ll be there to sign advanced reader copies of my upcoming novel, Domestic Violets. However, I’ll be happy to sign other things, too, including, but not limited to: comedic caricatures of me, comedic caricatures of you, posts from The Norman Nation that you’ve printed out, baseballs and/or footballs, the foreheads of your children, any kind of non-dangerous animal, things related to the state of Nebraska, head shots of notable television stars from the 1980s, Big Gulp and/or Starbucks cups, and copies of novels written by writers who are far more famous than I am.
And, just in case you’re not interested in me defacing your property with my handwriting, I’ve also heard rumors that BEA writers sometimes give things away at their signings, like candy or extremely expensive watches. I’ll do some brainstorming with my team of lawyers and assistants between now and Wednesday. Maybe we’ll be able to think of something interesting. But I should probably ask, is anyone allergic to shellfish or expired prescription painkillers? Just let me know.
Note: if you are planning to attend my signing at BEA, please approach my table slowly and, whatever you do, do not look at me directly in the eyes. There’s about a 65% chance that I’ll totally freak out.
See you in New York!